we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
