Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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