yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
