Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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