My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
