I could have mohawked her pubes.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
