I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
