I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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