maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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