Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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