At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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