If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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