I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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