Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
