she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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