Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
