omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
