i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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