How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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