just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
