I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
