I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
