Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
