He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
