i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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