I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
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