the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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