omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
