Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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