i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
