...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
