By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
