I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
