hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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