He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This baby is an asshole
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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