Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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