my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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