Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
