I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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