can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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