The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
