went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
