in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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