He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
