As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
