FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
accomplished twins. life is a go
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
