You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
