hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
3 2 1 whiskey
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
