I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
