I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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