She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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