she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
