I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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