Don't you send me to vm
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
