last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
