did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
